


Chili con Carne

by MadDormouse



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), The Yogscast
Genre: Gen, Minor hints at cannibalism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-06
Updated: 2014-09-06
Packaged: 2018-02-16 09:18:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2264223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadDormouse/pseuds/MadDormouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sjin wants to expand Chili Wowas to Cabertown, but Mayor Ravs has a few menu changes to suggest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chili con Carne

Sjin popped a chili into his mouth and bit down on the spicy fruit, savoring the tangy aftertaste. The farmer was starving after a long journey that took him nearly three days. And that was traveling on his air sled. He had worked through nearly a third of the chili stash he brought with him. They were meant to be sample tastings for prospective customers.  
'But I need my strength if I'm going to sell my proposal,' thought Sjin.  
The farmer straightened his best and cleanest pair of overalls. Taking one last swallow of his chili, Sjin marched up the front steps to the mansion home of Mayor Ravs. Sjin tried not to let the imposing structure intimidate him. As a professional builder himself, Sjin couldn't help but be impressed with the building. However he wondered how Cabertown could afford such an expense when the rest of the desert village looked so shabby. He also wondered if they'd be able to afford, let alone be interested in, dining at one of his Chili Wowas restaurants.  
The farmer had nearly 10 minutes to ponder the mystery while he waited for someone to answer his knocking. One of the large wooden doors finally creaked open. Sjin was confused when he didn't see anyone, until he felt a tugging on his pant leg.  
The farmer looked down to find a short golem, sporting a top hat, in the open doorway. The creature gave Sjin an annoyed, quizzical expression.  
"Oh! Hello there little guy," Sjin laughed nervously. "I didn't see you there. I was hoping to speak with the mayor … er, Mayor Ravs. Is he in?"  
The golem stood silently for a moment, before closing the door. Sjin stepped back in surprise. He wasn't sure if he was being told to leave or what had happened. However, a few seconds later the door reopened fully. The golem had already turned its back on Sjin and was walking across the foyer.  
"Uhh, I take it the mayor's here?" Sjin asked, again to now answer. However, he took it as a sign he had been permitted to enter and stepped across the threshold. "You know, I'm planning on using a bunch of little guys like you at Chili Wowa Tower."  
The golem glanced up at Sjin, giving him a wooden stare.  
"Uh, haha, yeah," the farmer murmured, scratching the back of his head.  
The tiny servant led Sjin through a pair of double doors into an even more extravagant office. The farmer's focus was drawn to the large desk at the center of the room. Sjin immediately dashed over and ran his hand across the surface.  
"Ohh, mahogany!"  
A hand shot out and pulled him off the table. Sjin squirmed in the tight grip. The chair behind the desk turned around completely to reveal the smartly dressed man attached to the assaulting hand.  
"Please, don't touch my desk like that," said the mayor. "It's rather … rude."  
"Ravs! Er, Mayor Ravs, so good of you to see me without an appointment," Sjin said. "I wasn't even sure I'd be able to find this place."  
"Jeeves tells me you have an interesting business proposal for myself and the fine residents of Cabertown," Ravs said, releasing his grip.  
Sjin took a seat opposite of him in the open chair. "Yes! I'm sure you've heard of the new chili-based restaurant chain that's sweeping the world by storm-"  
"Ah haven't actually," the mayor interrupted. "And to be honest, Cabertown has received quite a bit of interest lately from other expanding businesses. It's quite a lot of pressure for me to decide what will best serve my constituents. Ah can't just let any store open under my watch."  
"But Chili Wowas isn't just any old restaurant. No way!" Sjin unfolded a large display filled with colorful photos and graphs. Ravs rolled his eyes and muttered something about 'more pamphlets.' "Chili Wowas is an exciting new chain I've started in my endeavor to feed the world. My restaurant focuses on a delicacy grown at my own farm."  
"Chilis I take it," interjected Ravs. "Is that all you serve? Because Ah don't think the residents of Cabertown could survive on a chili-only diet."  
Sjin shook his head. "We at Chili Wowas strive to provide a full dining experience for the whole family."  
"Good, because between you and me, Ah always like to have a little meat on my plate … Tell me, does your farm also raise its own livestock?"  
"Well, not at the moment no," Sjin explained. "We do have a petting zoo, but no livestock."  
Mayor Ravs rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "But how can you provide a well-rounded menu of chili related meals without meat?"  
"Well, my farm hopes to expand into livestock soon-"  
Ravs snapped his fingers. "Ah may just have an idea. A way to come to a deal. Cabertown is an industrious little village. And nothing would attract customers than knowing some of the ingredients were home grown, or in this case raised."  
"I didn't recall seeing any cattle ranches on my way here-"  
"Ah can tell you're an old-school farmer," the Scotsman said. "Cabertown is a bit more innovative in it's farming set-up. It's also a patented secret." Ravs gave a wink and a smile. "Now, Ah think you have interested me in allowing a Chili Wowas branch to open in Cabertown, on the condition we provide just some of the local produce. I doubt our chilies stand up to the ones you've grown, but Cabertown is known for other exports."  
The mayor reached out and took one of Sjin's sample chilies. Ravs bit into it and made satisfied noises. He nodded in appreciation.  
"Well, that's great!" the farmer explained. "I'd be happy to begin construction as soon as possible!"  
"All this talk has made me awfully hungry. Before we come to an official agreement, would you care to join me for lunch?" Ravs asked.  
He pressed a buzzer on his desk. Jeeves once more entered the room carrying his trusty silver platter. The golem placed it on the desk and revealed two plates of pasta bolognese. Sjin eyed the dish hungrily, but it sparked a memory.  
Upon entering Cabertown, he had a strange encounter. Sjin had been getting his bearings on the outskirts of the desert village when a constant clicking of metal on metal caused him to turn towards a dark alley. At the edge of the shadows stood a woman, bundled up in a red scarf.  
"If you're going to see the mayor, better to pass on anything he tries serving you," she said, turning to walk down the alley. "Especially any pasta."  
Sjin tried running after her, but when he did the alley was empty. The farmer dismissed it as the eccentricities of small town life at the time. Now, while considering Ravs' offer, Sjin shook his head.  
"I appreciate it, but I've still got plenty of chilies on me to eat. But a toast to an exciting new business venture in Cabertown!" Sjin said, taking a bite out of a chili. "To chilies!"  
Ravs lifted a forkful of the pasta bolognese to his mouth. "To chili con carne!"


End file.
